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They say New York City will rob and cheat you. It'll take your friends and turn them on you. It'll kick your ass and break your heart. But then it'll pick you up again, make you feel so totally alive and untouchable. It's the center of the world, it's the best place in the world, and once it's in your heart, it'll never leave you. November is making me feel home sick - it's silly really, because Michigan's been my home for the past 10 years. My parents are retired, none of my immediate family lives there anymore, but jeez, it really is a part of me. The saying goes true though, if you replaced "New York City" with any other noun because truthfully, everything can literally bring you so high up and so far down.
I used to fight that feeling of being home sick. I felt I would never appreciate where I was currently or that I needed to focus on things that mattered in that moment. I used to ignore how upsetting it could be because it didn't change anything. I used to believe that all the absence of color would make a difference to my red heart . . . but my perspective's changed.
It's okay to just let it go and accept whatever you're feeling. Don't overanalyze. I mean,
you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. But I just want to make sure that I'm not missing out on anything in life that's happening when I'm not thinking.. because I'm thinking too much. It's trying sometimes because I've always been a person with a plan.
I know I've said this before in the past - that I'll just leave things to chance now. Clearly, I rejected it over and over it considering I keep bringing it up. This time though, I left out the word 'try'. Don't feel like setting myself up to fail. ;p
Now, because it is the month of November, I could go and say that I'm thankful for my family and friends, my health and what-not. Your standard Thanksgiving mantra. And God knows I am always, ALWAYS, thankful for them. So this year, seriously though, I'm just gonna say that I'm thankful for Me. Yeah, yeah. Sounds selfish. It might even actually be selfish. But hear me out. We're our worst critics. We're our own enemies. We are so hard on ourselves and have such high expectations for ourselves to the point that sometimes our goals are so unrealistic. I'm just glad and thankful I've gotten to where I am today without giving up. I'm thankful for all those that have shaped me into the person I am today.
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"Ya gotta scrap that word from your vocab..."
There's definitely nothing selfish about being thankful for "Me".
Yes, there are many people in and out of our lives that may help you on the way. But when it comes down to it, it is you who makes the final decision to continue on whichever path you see fit.
I'll be back in NY for a while. Let me know if you ever want to meet up and get a couple slices ;)